I wasn’t going to write about the Ashley Madison hack, but anyway…
It got mentioned on Monday night’s Q and A and I can’t help but think how attitudes have supposedly evolved about this, particularly in the media. When the story was leaked that names and addresses had been exposed in the Ashley Madison hack, I can’t help but sense a bit of vengeance, some call of Karma. Just last month when the news broke, Mamamia exposed Evangelical Christians Josh Duggar and Sam Radar and some people could say, understandably exposed their hypocrisy.
The vibe has changed in less than a month after Canadian police linked two suicides in Toronto to the hack. There are also concerns that the exposure will turn more deadly since there were reports that people using the site could face flogging or execution due to their countries laws on adultery or homosexuality, some of which the penalty is execution.
Here’s a quote from British feminist Laurie Penny about the scandal and attitudes toward monogamy in general:
What is disturbing about the Ashley Madison is that we are using very new technology, to, sort of promulgate Victorian moral values which are around shame, around punishing people for private behaviour which is not abusive, I mean cheating on your partner, lying to your partner, makes you a d**k. It doesn’t make you an abuser and lets be very clear on the distinction here. What I’m learning from this is that, really, monogamy isn’t working for great many people and people are using technology to get around that and I don’t have a problem with that really.
Question: did this attitude of Penny come before or after the hacking turned a deadly corner or did she, and people like her, have this attitude all along?
There’s also the monogamy debate all over again, too; about whether monogamy is natural or not. Funny thing is, is when most people raise this, like Australian author Holly Hill and other people who mention non – monogamy, especially if children are involved, they are screamed down on blogs, especially if children are involved.
So, here are my questions: which is it? Does society condemn cheating or not? Does society condemn non – monogamy or not? Should the Ashley Madison hack (and other hacking scandals) ben condemned or not? Is monogamy, whether in marriage or not, still valued in society? I honestly can’t help but sense double standards here.
Here’s my personal take: The hacking was wrong and had very tragic consequences for many. The two suicides in Canada will have a devastating impact on the families and friends of the people, as well as the humiliation. It should be condemned Period. On the other hand, our society’s sense of sexual ethics is so two – faced and contradictory. On one hand, we condemn cheating, but yet, on the other hand, we excuse it as well. Same with non – monogamy, is it right or isn’t it? Should the whole premise of marriage and monogamy just be done away with for most people? Or do we just need to take responsibility for our actions and acknowledge that relationships (especially marriage), do require sacrifice and a level of selflessness to work?
Just to note, admittedly, I’m not in a romantic relationship and never have been.
So, what are your thoughts on the Ashley Madison hacking scandal and monogamy?